Want to lead well, have less stress, and build better relationships in business and fatherhood? Don't take it personally when people say and do things that you don't like.
People are rebellious, spiteful, mean, ignorant, smug, etc. It's easy to accept this when it's just "people", but we take it personally when it comes from those we care about most.
Personal examples from business:
- A colleague gave me feedback that sounded as if he was calling my character into question. My gut reaction was to take it personally and question his character, but I paused, listened, and received valuable feedback on my delivery–not my character.
- A client questioned my progress and asked for detailed visibility into my billed hours. My instinct was to take it personally and defend my work, but by humbly responding with transparency, our mutual trust and respect quickly grew, and my progress and time management were never again questioned.
Personal examples from fatherhood:
- My three-year-old said, "I love you 5, and I love Mommy 100." My instinct was to take this
personally and figure out what I was doing so wrong, but I simply said, "Wow, it sounds like you love Mommy a lot!" To which she responded, "You don't need to worry about that Daddy, because those are both good high numbers."
- My daughters are often ungrateful for their meals, clothes, home, gifts, etc. It'd be easy to take this personally, but kids (of all ages) are simply not naturally thankful. It's my job to gently remind them that I'll always unconditionally provide, but they have to develop a thankful heart at home in preparation for a world in which they're entitled to nothing.
At home or at work, when someone says or does something negative towards you, it's almost never about you. I've seen leaders become angry and bitter about being wronged. When this festers, it goes from distracting to debilitating.
Practice empathy. Understand what's driving others' negativity. Humbly and sincerely offer to help. See what happens.
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Posted by: mmearzoom | 09/09/2010 at 03:22 PM